Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Prayer Warriors

Please pray for my friend, her mind is getting worse daily. Please stand in the gap with me for her. She is my age and has three children. Words cannot express how deep and serious this battle is. Thank-you all.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Please take the time to comment me.

Even if its just a hello....

Because hello, goes a long way.

I see some of you ------->

So why stop by and not say hello?

Thanks friends.......

Sunny days

I love the hot and sunny days. We've been so busy lately (and still are) I feel I hardly have the time to slow down and enjoy them. We had a wonderful weekend full of the Lord, we went to services Friday night, worked with gathering food (for the upcoming missions trip we are going on) from Walmart on Saturday morning, cleaned the church, had drama practice, went to services Saturday night, Church Sunday morning, drama practice again and Tony preached an awesome message Sunday night, the girls and I also performed the drama we had been working on all week. It was an AWESOME time in God!

Looking back over my posts I see that the desire to have another child resurfaced. Which is fine with me as long as its peaceful, accepting....just allowing and not controlling me. I'm not thinking about it daily. I'm not upset if it doesn't happen. I trust my Father to make these decisions for me and I'm content with His choices.

I'm mostly disappointed in myself for being so upset about the situation that came up with my friend, because I feel that my emotions rattled me so that I couldn't really be there for her the way I needed to be, kwim?

I think my friend is finally accepting the fact that she has been scammed and has lost a great deal of money. Pray for her.

Going to head to the kitchen to begin dinner, steaks, new potatoes and cooked summer squash. Mmmm

Friday, July 24, 2009

6 years mile marker

I noticed the day that I pitched my little fit, that the time that has lapsed since we REALLY started trying to conceive again had hit another milestone.

6 years.

Not how I had pictured things.

Is it possible to be content and a little sad at the same time?

I think it is.

Obedience is important to God.

I am truly content, but my heart is open.

I'll be 38 in September.

It isn't over yet.

While I feel that God has other things in store for me, and I've come to the place that I can see myself NOT having more children, there is always the little thought in the back of my mind that says, you never know.

And you know something?

You just never know.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Feeling like Scum of the Earth

Sheesh, what an emotional day of turmoil I had the other day. I feel bad just reading that post. I did edit one paragraph, I still feel like I should delete the whole thing but sometimes you can't do that. In real life you don't get to go back and delete the ugly, you only get to repent, the memory is left as a reminder of what the Lord brought you out of. So, that post will be a reminder of what I don't want to go back into. I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to NOT be able to celebrate life and miracles for those the Lord chooses to bless. Who am I to question God?

My friend is having such a hard time, she has been battling sickness for several years now, at one time was only 87 lbs. She truly is fighting for her life.

Yesterday I started making a few calls about this adoption thing myself. My friend had already sent in $200 and I didn't want to see them lose anymore. From every person that I have spoken with its a scam. I had my friend forward me the documents of abandonment and the decree of adoption that had been e-mailed to her. These e-mails contained the e-mail addresses that the person is using, the name they are using among other pieces of information. I contacted the Federal Trade Commission and I filed a report of scam and was able to forward these e-mail to them. Today when I called my friend to tell her what I had done, I discovered that she had sent them $250 more late last night. Today the man is claiming that he didn't receive the money.

I'm just sickened for them. Please pray for them, please pray that these scammers are caught so that they cannot victimize anyone else.

I feel like a heel.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Rising to the Surface

I have had such peace over the last few months, bliss, peace, a wonderous feeling. The peace is there as long as I am in prayer or in the presence of God. When I come out and I start thinking, I sink. I'm binding my thoughts and doing all I can to crucify my flesh and line my thoughts up with God's word. I'm not discontent, I'm so happy with my life and all the Lord has blessed me with. How can I express what I am feeling and going through? Where are the words?

It happened out of the blue....the beginning of the fall I mean. Everything was fine, it was a day like all other days. Heaven had come over to help me clean Sky's room because she was away at camp. We were talking and laughing, really enjoying our day together. We found an old box that Sky was using for trash and we were emptying it piece by piece, you know, just in case something of value happened to have landed in it.

I reached into the box and I pulled out an old prescription bottle. I read it and it had my name on it. It was an old Clomid bottle. How in the world did that get in there? Of course it was empty because I had taken the medicine already. Somehow though, in that moment, I became mesmerized. I just read the label over and over and over and over. Frozen in a moment, not realizing I had traveled back in time with no awareness to where I was at that moment or what I was suppose to be doing.

"Mom?" "Mom?.." "M-O-M!"..... "What are you doing?" Heaven was trying to bring me back, I wasn't ready though, not yet. I wanted to stay where I was for a little while, I wanted to think, I wanted to remember, I wanted to feel what was deep inside of me.

No, I bound it up. I moved on.

We continued working.

Then Heaven found a bag, it was a beautiful African bag I had found at the airport last summer when Heaven was getting ready to leave on her month long missions trip in Africa. It was clearanced and it had shouted my name! So, I bought it. I didn't really need or know what I was buying it for, but for me, it symbolized Heaven, her faith and her trip, so I purchased it.

I was so longing for another child during that time, desperately seeking. So I decided to act in faith and begin buying clothes. Of course I wanted a son, so boy clothes it was. Crush velvety soft blankies with trains on them. Two, you know, for twins. If I was going to dream and have faith for something, it was going to be extrordinary. So as the months rolled by I'd add to my faith bag and it wasn't long before it was full. I had to start another bag and had it stored in my bedroom closet. I also had clothes hanging on the back of my bedroom door, I had purchased an abundance of faith clothes!

This African bag had made its way into Sky's room, into her closet. I had sort of forgotten about it, I mean, I knew I had it but it hadn't came to mind in a long long while. I had stopped adding to the collection some time back when I made the decision to STOP wrestling with the idea of having another child.

Here is was, just moments after seeing the Clomid bottle. Why was this happening to me? I'm so close to the Lord, so strong in Him, growing, working, serving, moving on and yet, here it is. What am I to do with it?

Overcome it...

I prayed, Lord help me, don't let me slip, don't let me fall back into that pit. Draw me near, safe in Your arms, where I am so satisfied, there is no pain or dreams that haven't come true. I need You. I need You right now so much.

Thank-You Father. Thank-You for hearing me.

Heaven asks me where in the world all of these gobs of baby boy clothes had come from.

I told her.

'Oh, mom, I had no idea, where do you want me to put them?'

Deep breath.

"Heaven, I want you to take them."

'O, mom I couldn't.'

"I want you to Heaven, I've come to terms with not having any more children and you just got married, you'll be having my grandchildren soon. It's okay, I'm okay, take them."

'Are you sure?'

"I'm sure."

So it was done, we put them in her car and I breathed a sigh of relief that it was over and I didn't have deal with it anymore. I'd done the right thing, felt most sure of it, as sure as sure can feel when you are 37 and have been trying to conceive for the last 6 plus years. AS sure as you can be when you aren't sure if wanting more children is selfish or logical, or if you can even afford them. As sure as you can be when you are afraid to have faith for something that may not be God's will and all you want more than anything, more than life itself, is to be in the perfect will of God.

I moved on, with a smile. We finished up and I put it all out of my mind.

Later that night I had settled down. I felt good.

Then the phone rang.

I have a friend that is struggling with a lot of sickness, not a little but a huge load. Physical and mental sickness and its hard. It's hard for them and its hard for me. My heart goes out to her. She has fought for her very life. Satan has attacked them from every direction, financially they are on the bottom. Her sickness has affected not only her but her husband and her three children and although the Lord is healing her, she has such a long way to go. It has been hard for me to watch because when someone is in a situation like this there is only so much you do. You can't step in and be a mother to the children, no matter how strongly you see the need. It's hard when you see someone suffering and you know some of the answers but they refuse to listen. Sometimes you feel like they are choosing to stay in it, but you have to remind yourself, the devil is the master of deceit. The best most powerful thing you can do it to pray. So I have prayed. I have intercessed. I have seen defeat but I have seen victory. I will continue to stand in the gap for this family. I love them.

I knew she was having test run and I was anxious to hear her results and how she was doing. She'd had a rough few days and I was concerned for her. She is my friend. A good friend, not just an acquaintance. I speak with her weekly, most of the times several times a week and there is little that we don't share with one another.

She asked me to pray for someone, I replied, 'Sure, who is it?' Well, she opened up and began pouring out this long story of a girl who had been raped and had a baby girl and she didn't want the baby because she reminded her of the rape. I don't know all the details of the story because this was the first I'd heard of it and I couldn't absorb it all. I caught bits and pieces, the girl had been in France in school but had traveled to Africa, had the baby prematurely and the African government wouldn't allow the baby to leave because it had African citizenship. She'd been talking to this girl for months and yet had never mentioned it to me. My head was swirling.

My friend and her husband had been approved as adoptive parents and were suppose to pay a refundable insurance fee to get the girl and the baby out of Africa. The girl wanted my friend to adopt her daughter. So, somehow, the girl and the baby would be flown into a local airport, drop off the baby and then the girl would head on to France. The insurance was to guarantee that my friend here is real and that she really wanted the baby. Once she has the baby the money will be refunded with a check of some sort that no one could cash but my friend, the people in Africa are suppose to send a code to my friend's e-mail and then my friend will use this code to cash the check and get her insurance money refunded.

Are you still with me?

My friend has supposedly contacted the US Embassy. All of this is suppose to be legal and on the up and up but it sounds so much like a scam to me.

So here is my dilemma.

I don't want my friends to be hurt or to lose money I know they do not have. I love them.

Let's just be honest here, why her Lord and not me? Why did my husband's sister get Aiden and not me?

How is it that I may, and I say may, because I really do smell fish here, but how is it that I may have to deal with someone else, that isn't capable of taking care of a child being given one by someone else.

Most women with infertility deal with other people getting pregnant and having to participate, be happy for them, do the shower deal ect... For me, its different, my husband is a convicted felon, I have secondary infertility and unless one of these miraculous situations happens to me, like a mother choosing me to raise her child and giving me her precious baby I can't adopt.

So it pains me so to see miracles happening to people who in my eyes, shouldn't be raising more children. I'm sorry, I'm truly not meaning to be judgemental. I am not saying I am perfect but in these two situations I have to say that the baby is not better off with these families that have them. There are better homes out there. But it doesn't work that way does it?

So, I've hurt, I've felt pain, not because I can't pregnant but because I want to be chosen.

The wonderful thing is that it isn't over yet. The Lord has great things planned for me, whether they include a child or not is irrelevant. I want His perfect will above all else. I truly do. In spite of my pain.

Father God I ask you to forgive me for questioning You, forgive me for judging these women if that is what I have done. Forgive me for thinking myself to be a better mother than they are. Forgive me for falling into this pit. I ask You Lord, if it be Your will, choose me.

Looking back it started with the pill bottle-strike one, was fueled by the African bag of clothes-strike two and set on fire by the phone call from my friend-strike three. And I was out, I fell and I fell into the Pit hard.

Three hard strikes, at first subtle and then hard blows. Satan, the master of deceit.

I share this because as always with this blog, it is my desire to be real, to share the greatness of God that I experience but also to share the struggle. It's been a while since I've struggled, but here it is.

My Father is there to pick me up, and He did, and He continues to carry me.

I've added a new song to my playlist, the words are below, this is what I am doing right now, and if I abide in Him long enough, the pain will dissipate.

Kari Jobe- The More I Seek You

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Awesome Revelation Louie Giglio - Laminin

You have got to watch this!
God never ceases to amaze me, and you know what?
He never will!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Deliverance from 'Self'

Deliverance from 'Self'

By Frank and Ida Mae Hammond

During our twenty-five years of intense involvement in deliverance ministry we have seen people set free from every sort of bondage: addictions, lust, perversions, unforgiveness, rebellion, hurts, withdrawal, double-mindedness, mental illness, fears, rejection, passivity, doubt, spiritual hindrances, curses and on-and-on. However, we are persuaded that the foremost need for deliverance is deliverance from 'self'. In fact, all bondage is in one way or another an expression of self-bondage.

A person wrapped up in himself is absorbed in his own problems, circumstances, ambitions and feelings. His whole being is concerned with 'self'. Thereby, he disregards the first and greatest commandment: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment' Matt. 22:37.

The devil has a master plan to capture mankind. His plan is the same for every person - imprisonment in self. Self is the devil's chief ally and man's number one enemy. Self thwarts the believer from being a true disciple of Christ. Jesus declared: 'Whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple' Luke 14:33.

Self hinders our living up to our spiritual potential. By being all that we can be in Christ, we become a powerful influence for the Kingdom of God. The devil fears this, so he does all that he can to prevent us from reaching maturity and fulfilling our calling in Christ. The devil's objective is to get the believer so occupied with self that he loses his spiritual saltiness: his ability to influence whatever he contacts. 'Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out' Luke 14:34,35. Selfishness takes the saltiness out of Christians.

Consider the believer's great potential. The new birth has equipped him with powers of spiritual discernment. He can see the things of the spiritual realm. He can 'see the kingdom of God' John 3:3. In contrast, 'The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned' I Cor. 2:14. 'The god of this age [Satan] has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God' II Cor. 4:4.

The twelve disciples were slow to see their potential in Christ. When Jesus spoke spiritual truth they turned their eyes upon themselves; therefore, He said, 'Do you still not see or understand?...Do you have eyes but fail to see?' Mk.8:17, 18.

In addition to our power to see into the spiritual realm, Jesus further promised us, 'You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses' Acts 1:8. Thus, Spirit-baptized believers have the potential to function in supernatural power. We are given power to heal sickness, cast out demons, speak in new tongues, interpret tongues, prophesy and perform miracles.

After Pentecost, the disciples ministered in the Holy Spirit's power: 'And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought among the people' Acts 5:12. However, some were defeated by selfishness. Ananias and Sapphira coveted and lied, and their lives and ministry ended. Simon, a converted sorcerer, coveted the Holy Spirit's power for personal gain and Peter rebuked him saying, 'You have no part or share in this ministry' Acts 8:21.

Each believer as a member of Christ's spiritual Body, the Church, is required to die to self in order to fulfill the purpose of the Head and function with other parts of the Body. The ministry of the Body is frustrated when members fall into Satan's 'self' trap: either thinking themselves inadequate or superior in comparison with others. (See: I Cor. 12:14-27).

Yes, every demonic problem entails a problem with self. For example: The person wounded by rejection becomes conscious of 'self' because self hurts. Until one becomes secure in God's love, and loves all others, even his enemies, he will remain in bondage to self. Lust is self-gratification and self-indulgence; rebellion isself-rule; guilt is self-accusation; fear is self-concern; resentment is self-vindication; witchcraft is self-advantage; pride is self-exaltation. Every demon that can be named has a synonym name with a 'self' prefix. Therefore, deliverance does not come solely from casting out demons: the self-thing that gives place to demons must also be removed.

Many Bible heroes initially had self-problems, and only after their self-problems were remedied were these men useful to God. Moses was bound by inferiority. He felt unqualified for the ministry to which the Lord called him. Gideon also felt inadequate. He considered himself the least person in all of Israel. David yielded to self-indulgence and committed adultery, but afterward became 'a man after God's own heart'. Isaiah exclaimed, 'Woe is me,! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips'. He felt unworthy to be God's spokesman. Jonah was self-willed. He didn't want to do things God's way. Saul of Tarsus was a self-righteous Pharisee and a persecutor of Christians. But each of these men were delivered from self and greatly used of the Lord. This means that there is hope for each of us!

`They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.' Rev. 12:11

In Revelation 12:11, three spiritual weapons are named by which the Saints are to defeat the devil. First, believers in Jesus Christ can utilize the power inherent in His incorruptible blood. The blood becomes a weapon when we testify what the blood of Jesus has done for us through its justifying, sanctifying, redeeming and atoning power. The devil is put to flight when we remind him that we have taken refuge in the shed blood of Jesus.

The second weapon named is 'the word of their testimony'; namely, 'the testimony of Jesus Christ' Rev. 12:17. We wield the weapon of testimony when we declare who Jesus is: the sinless son of God Who left His throne in glory, became incarnate, was tempted in all ways and yet without sin, Who went to the cross and laid down His life for us sinners, rose from the dead, ascended to His throne at the right hand of the Father and is coming again in power and glory.

The believer's third weapon, death to self, seems a strange weapon indeed. 'And they loved not their own lives even unto death' Rev. 12:11. When understood, this is an especially powerful weapon yet sadly neglected. Jesus overcome the devil. The victory of the cross was assured in Gesthemane when He prayed, 'Father...not as I will, but as you will' Matt. 26:39. Jesus loved not his own life even unto death. He is our example. He showed us that we can defeat the devil with the same weapon. The devil has no advantage over a person who has died to self.

For understanding's sake, suppose that a person is delivered from all oppressing demons. What is left? Only his real self is left. What then must be done with the real self? It must be crucified: taken to the cross and put to death! Only as self dies can Christ come forth in us. Only through death to self can one experience full deliverance.

Satan knows that he is thwarted when a person dies to self in order to live for Christ. Therefore, the devil's strategy is to entice us to set our own agenda and follow selfish pursuits instead of a commitment to God's purposes. We see the devil's strategy very clearly at work in Scripture's two classic examples of temptation: the temptations of Eve and of Jesus. How did the Serpent tempt Eve? He tempted her to set aside God's command and gratify self. What three avenues of temptation did he employ? The same avenues that are stated in I John 2:16 - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.

'The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food' - appealed to the lust of her flesh. 'And [was] pleasing to the eyes' - appealed to the lust of the eyes. 'And desirable for gaining wisdom' - touched pride. See: Genesis 3:6

The devil's three-pronged temptations of Jesus followed exactly the same pattern. (Matthew 4:1-11). He tempted Christ to turn stones into bread in order to gratify the lust of the flesh. He further tempted Jesus through the lust of the eyes by showing Him the kingdoms of the world and their glory and offering them to Him in exchange for His worship. The third temptation appealed to the pride of life: Jesus was urged to leap from the pinnacle of the temple, depending upon angels to catch him, thus making a public display that would draw men's acclaim.

Ever since Eden, Satan has continued to use the same three temptations to draw men and women out of their devotion to God and into self-idolatry.

If Jesus had yielded to any one of these temptations it would have disqualified Him from becoming our Savior. He would have sinned, having abandoned the Father's will in preference to fulfill His own desires. Throughout His earthly sojourn, Jesus spoke and acted only in accord with the Father's will. He never acted independently of the Heavenly Father. In His acceptance of the Cross, He declared, 'Not as I will, but as you will' Matt. 26:39. This is why Jesus could victoriously announce, 'The prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me' John 14:30.

The Persons of the Godhead never act independently of One Another. Likewise, in order for us to have victory over the devil and his demons, we cannot act independently of God. This is why the Bible tells us in James 4:7, 'Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you'. Submission to God comes through the surrender of one's own will. Only through such surrender can one effectively resist the devil.

Goals for deliverance must go beyond casting out demons. We must identify the devil's schemes and shut the door against him. We must be determined in Christ to keep demons from coming back once they have been driven out. These goals cannot be achieved apart from victory over self. Uncrucified self gives demons an opportunity to take up residence in our lives.

Paul expressed the formula for victory in these words: 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me' Gal. 2:20.

To reiterate, every demon is a self-oriented spirit. Any demon, by whatever name described, either pulls down or puffs up the 'self'. When 'self' gets the attention, God is no longer central in one's life. This is why our greatest need for deliverance is deliverance from 'self'. For anyone expecting lasting victory over the devil and evil spirits, the self-life must be crucified and all self-related spirits evicted.

'Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.' Matt. 10:39

Self-pity, Self-accusation, Self-rejection, Self-condemnation, Self-will, Self-rule, Selfishness, Self-deception, Self-seduction, Self-delusion, Self-consciousness, Self-analysis, Self-evaluation, Self-concern, Self-indulgence, Self-gratification, Self-savior, Self-defeat, Self-reproach, Self-concern, Self-criticism, Self-vindication, Self-hatred, Self-flagellation, Self-exaltation, Self-promotion, Self-destruction, Self-reward

Taken from

Friday, July 3, 2009

Proverbs 17:22

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A Change Will Do You Good

Meadow's before Picture

Take a deep we go!!

I saved the first cut...

I started to wonder....

Can you see her grin in the mirror?

Almost finished....

A little more....



Finally.... Doesn't the cut fit her?

Gorgeous girl...she looks so much older!

I love it! I love it!! I love it!!!
Thank-You Teresa.

Cut by Teresa Jones at Divine Design.