Wednesday, October 28, 2009

What a scare

I went over to my son in law's with my dad and the girls last night to help paint the nursery. I know it's a bit early but Heaven is so excited! She choose yellow and its really pretty. After the painting was done we all sat down to watch Biggest Loser. They have a dvr and had recorded last weeks and this weeks so we watched them both back to back.

Did I tell you I love that show?

The phone rings and its Heaven calling from work. She had started spotting and was scared. I tried to get her to come home but she only had another hour. She said it was dark and that it had stopped. I remember spotting a light tinge color with the girls but not as much as she was describing.

She came home and we talked until 1 am.

I got the girls home and in bed by 1:30 am.

I had Heaven call her family doctor this morning. (She doesn't have an OBGYN yet.) She explained what had happened. The doctor told her she felt she was fine but that if she started bleeding bright red to go to the ER. The doctor also took her out of work for the next week so Heaven does not have to finish her two week notice. I really think that pulling and lifting the elderly was too hard for her. Too much strain. I was so relieved that the doctor took her out. I was so uneasy about her working during this early time. She is under too much stress and has to go to school tomorrow all day.

I'm hoping now that she is going to be able to get some much needed rest. I took her out to lunch today, to pick up her doctor's excuse and then to work to drop it off.

If you think of us please keep her in your prayers. She will be going to the doctor soon. She still has some information to get to the insurance company first and she is really early. I'm thinking 5 or 6 weeks.

Thanks and God bless you!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Changed My Mind

I did decide to go ahead and start another blog just for my weight loss. I'll still post a weigh in here and try to update on me and Heaven and how things are going. I don't want to let The Red Stain die but I don't know how much infertility related things I'll be posting.

I can say that this month I ovulated hard. I cramped extra hard during the time I was passing the stringy cervical fluid. Dh and I did not umm.....have relations during this time. In one sense I'm almost afraid to chance getting pregnant. I know that sounds absolutely crazy, even to me. It's just how I'm feeling right now.

Tony has been on extra short time and we're struggling a little more now than ever before. Mostly due to the credit card bill I ran up trying to conceive. I know the Lord will see us through but I almost feel guilty at times. Then I remember, if I hadn't of done it, I'd always wonder if there was a problem or something wrong with me so I let it go. What is done is done and during the season I was in it was the best thing at that time.

So I'll keep updating things like this. :) I love seeing what God is doing in so many of your lives and knowing that He has something awesome planned for others. With God, you never know when, but He is awesome and mighty and He always comes through.

Even if its in ways we'd never expected.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Weigh In #1

I'm exhausted and haven't been home long so this is going to be short.

Starting weight was 195

Eleven days in weigh in for week 1 is 188

Total loss is 7 pounds for me. I was happy!

Tony began in August at 385

He did the 21 day Daniel fast in September and then began Atkins with me. His weigh in today was:


He is down 26 pounds since September 1st! I'm so proud of him.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Life is Full of Surprises

My oldest daughter Heaven is a CNA and working full time at the nursing home here and enrolled in college full time hoping to be accepted into the RN program somewhere in the next year or two. She is not use to the full load and it has been a very stressful year for her. Being engaged, planning her wedding, getting married in May, taking state board exams in August, then moving on to a full time job and college full time-well, that is a plate full. Needless to say there have been many tears shed lately. She calls me often and it really breaks my heart to hear her distress. I'm so use to being able to comfort and soothe her and now I find myself in the position that I have to NOT cuddle her but say, "You can do this, it is NOT too hard, hang in there, it won't be for long."

Last night she came here after work, she works second shift and it was almost midnight. I was still up, on the computer and on the phone and it scared me when she came through the door in tears. I jumped up and greeted her, she kept trying to hug me but she was crying so hard that I wanted to stand back and assess the situation. I didn't mean not to comfort her, I kept telling her to calm down, but she kept saying she couldn't. It took some time, she told me about her horrible night at work and how she felt like everyone just took advantage of her all the time. She is a helper and she goes out her way to help others and she cares about the elderly at the nursing home and the little old people love she does spend extra time there and it would be nice in a perfect world if others were like her and returned the help but they don't. They'll call on her for help and then abandon her when she goes to do her hall. So she clocks out 30 minutes later than everyone else and has to be at school before 8:oo am.

She has been here at my house doing homework some nights as late as 3:oo am. and then have to go to bed, get up and be at school before 8. I know she is tired. I know this is a hard season for her.

I've been a little concerned over her sadness lately. I hate to see her so stressed and sad. Last night, she just couldn't calm down and I began having a thought....just wondering....if maybe....there was a chance....that she may be.....well.....

you know........


"No mom! There is no way I could be pregnant. My periods are messed up and, and, and, and"

Heaven, how late are you?

"Nine or ten days but, but, but, last month I was 18 days late and I wasn't pregnant, my periods are messed up."

Heaven, I have some pregnancies test in the bathroom, will you take one if I get it out?

Between sobs she replied,"O, O, Okay."

The whole time she was peeing in the cup, she continuing to sob. I took the cup and dipped the stick and held it the entire time. She is now through short sucked in breaths telling me that she has a urinary tract infection and that she's had it for a week but hadn't wanted to go to the doctor. Never paying the least bit of attention to the test.

It's one of those that reads pregnant or not pregnant, remember my post on those? I'm watching this little ticker in the window and all of a sudden it pops up:


She has the snubs and she is still telling me about her incredibly bad week and I'm trying to speak to her and finally had to yell, "Heaven, Heaven! You are pregnant! You are pregnant!"

Stunned silence.


Look here, sweetheart, calm down and read the test. It says pregnant.

"It says what? It says I'm pregnant?"

Screams finally escape the tears and then we proceed to wake up everyone in our house and call everyone we know. It was close to 1:oo am but somehow the time didn't seem to matter. Finally, I was able to soothe her, hold her and comfort her.

Today we went to the doctor's office to rule out a urinary tract infection and get confirmation on her pregnancy and we did.

WOW, I'm going to be a grandmother at 38 years old. I'm still in shock.

My baby is going to have a baby.

I'm ecstatic.

We went to lunch and I ate some broiled seafood and a salad. Then we took a trip over to K-Mart to look at baby clothes and they had some onesies in packs that were buy one get one free, so I picked up two pink packets for a girl. I have been buying boy clothes in faith (for me) over the years so I have quite a collection of blankets and clothes for boys. I actually had sent those home with her a few months ago when the Lord gave me peace over not having any more children. ;)

On the way home she was talking about getting fat while I was trying to get skinny and us being on opposite ends of the pole.

'Oh please, Heaven, you are young I'm almost 40, you need to be praying for your daddy and me because this diet is HARD. Do you want to know how hard it is for me? Well, when I was standing in K-Mart back there in line waiting to pay for the babies clothes I could smell the sugar. I looked around to see the candy I was smelling and it wasn't even candy I would normally eat but the smell. As I enhaled the ever so sweet smell of sugar my mouth began to salivate and my stomach began to growl. Those are true signs of addiction to sugar. It's like being a vampire and smelling blood. It took everything I had to ignore the little voice in my head telling me it was okay, to go ahead and eat the sugar, it wouldn't hurt me.....'

"Sheesh Mom! Are you okay?"

Yes, I'm fine, but withdrawals from sugar are no pic nic in the park. This is hard stuff.

"Sounds like it mom, vampires smelling blood....."


I'm not kidding Heaven-it's hard, that hard for me.

So, anywho........ I'm going to be a grandmother.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Trying Again

I'm once again going to attempt to take off this weight that I've gained in the last 8 years since having my sweet Meadow.

You thought I was going to say I was trying something else...........................didn't you?


I seriously gave a lot of thought to creating a blog just for that because in one sense it has nothing to do with infertilityl, BUT due to the fact that I already have three quite active blogs I simply couldn't justify it. AND many of those who struggle with infertility are asked to shed some pounds. I've been reading the blog All You Who Hope for a long while now and she is very inspiring to me. She was told she needed to lose and she did, she never faltered. She set her mind to it and she did it. I'm so proud of her.

The next thing is to figure out how. What do I want to do to lose weight?

I've decided, once again, I know...I know... but- I've decided to do Atkins, extreme low carb, induction phase at 20 carbs a day. I started this actually on October 13th weighing in at an incredible 195 pounds. I've weaned myself back to drinking water and I'm almost caffeine free. I have had to have a cup of coffee or 1/2 a can of Diet Mt. Dew to keep the headaches away. There was no way I was going to suffer that 7 day withdrawal headache again. Every day that the headache came I would drink something and within 20 minutes the headache was gone. Crazy isn't it?

For those of you who read here you know that earlier this year I started a weight loss process and I was successful for 12 weeks and lost down to 178 pounds for a total of a 20 pound loss. I've gained almost all of that back just shy of 4 pounds.

I had been feeling the Lord nudge me to do something about my weight for a while. I would sort of push it back in my mind and think to myself, "Another time." The biggest reason for that is my failure rate. I start and stop, I lose then gain, like a yo yo. Remember?

Lately I've been spending a lot of time remembering. Remembering back to when I did lose weight and how good I felt about myself. How I came out of my shell and had this sheer joy and confidence. I even remembered words that I had spoken, such as, "Now that I actually know what its like to be little and feel so good I'll NEVER ever allow myself to be heavy again." In one way those words have sort of haunted me. I look at myself and I know that losing weight is not impossible for me. I know it's not unattainable.

I can do it.

If I only will.

So finally I just got to this place and felt like I HAD to do it and that I HAD to do it now. I'm very thankful that so far it has not been hard or a struggle for me at all. Watching the Biggest Loser is VERY helpful to me too. I asked my husband to do this diet with me. I started on Tuesday and by Saturday morning he agreed to come on board! I was so excited! It is so much easier to do this together than it is to do this separately! He needs it too, just as much as I do. I'm praying that this will be something that we can be successful in together.

I currently do not have a scales. I weighed my starting weigh at my mother in laws and I've ordered a scale online and it's been shipped. Now I'm just waiting on it to arrive. :) So I'll start my weigh in post this Friday IF the scale is here. It'll be week one for me and my husband. I'll be a few days over and he'll be one day shy! I want us to weigh in together once a week and NOT daily. I know for me, weighing in daily can be disheartening.

Well-for now that is it.

(I also learned a lot about the Low GI Diet from All You Who Hope. I have ordered that book and cookbook because I know that I cannot live on Atkins forever and I want to have a fall back plan. I do NOT want to go back to doing NOTHING.)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

It Came Today

FInally, another one of those late months.

A 32 day cycle.

All in all it was an okay month, I was irritable this week and I was hoping the stain would come sooner. I have a ALL day field trip planned for tomorrow and it'll be a bit more difficult for me on my heaviest day. I've been looking forward to this trip to the science museum for a while now. Tomorrow it'll probably be crowded because everything is free and I'm sure everyone will talk advantage of that, just like we are.

I am planning to go on another field trip with the whole family (I hope) to see a life size replica of the Tabernacle. I've been reading and studying on this for a little over a year or so. I read a wonderful book called The Fleshing Floor by Juanita Bynum and it included so many details and scripture and why the Tabernacle was built. Very powerful and moving book. I've been intrigued about the Tabernacle since then. Next year Sky will studying the Tabernacle as part of her Bible in My Father's World and we will be building a small replica of the Tabernacle here. How amazed I was when I discovered that there was an actual life size replica close to us for a small amount of time, October 16th through the 25th. I'll definitely share about it if we get to go.

We are having a great homeschool year so far. I've been up at 7 everyday this week. I'm so proud of me! It's very hard for me to go to sleep at night even getting up early. I pray it'll come more natural to me as I go on. We are finishing school really early during the days and having plenty of time for chores.

Well, I just wanted to update a little. Praying all is well everyone.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Bunny Adventures-Part 2

After Tuesday I was almost hesitant to go to see more bunnies but we were on a I found what looked to be a wonderful Rabbitry only an hour and a half away. It turned out to be a G-R-E-A-T rabbitry. This lady was so nice to me through e-mail and was willing to work us in last minute. She had a huge barn that she kept all her bunnies in and the only bunny she breeds is the Holland Lop.

Brenda introduced herself and shook my hand and I was thinking, "Praise God, this feels good." Brenda showed us around her barn and shared with us a wealth of information on Holland Lops. I was so excited. She put her Grand Champions up on blocks and showed us what the judges would look for if we decided to show our bunnies. She showed us differences in the bunnies, how one had this better or one had that better. The thing that excited me the most was that even if she pointed out what a judge would consider a fault, I couldn't see it. Her pet bunnies were show bunnies and I'm NOT kidding.

She proceeded to show me little kits that were only four hours old, 7 days old and then 14 days old. (Don't you know I forgot my camera and didn't get pictures of this wonderful experience!) This was truly an educational field trip on bunnies. Exactly what I'd been hoping for.

Brenda showed me Lops that were so friendly and some that were more shy. I learned that the boys were absolute lovey doveys and that my thoughts of having all girls was silly. The bunnies that I did finally end up getting have pedigrees and Grand Champion bloodlines. Not that that will matter, I really don't know that the girls and I will show our bunnies but you just never know. I'm going to continue studying it this winter.

Meadow decided on a buck that is 12 weeks old. We had a hard time choosing a name but finally all decided on Frodo. Here he is.

Meadow holding Frodo like a baby, notice how friendly he is.

I love the beautiful color of these Holland Lops, it is called broken tortoise.

Here is Frodo on the carpet.

Sky decided on a sweet doe that is 16 weeks old. I know looking at these pictures its very hard to tell them apart. They really do look so much alike. Sky named hers Bella. Bella doesn't like to be held as much as Frodo, she prefers to have her freedom and hop around the house! We are giving Bella a two week trial, and in two weeks if Brenda calls and has this other buck ready we may take her back and exchange her. Bucks are just friendlier and it would save me the worries of them ever breeding....which we would breed some beautiful Holland Lops if I decided to go that route, but we really were just looking for pets. I could get both bucks fixed and they'd live in perfect harmony. :) We shall see.

Bella, hopping in front of the piano.

Bella, facing me.
The butterfly shaped coloring on her nose is higher than Frodo's and the color is darker. I'll be posting more pictures of them soon.

Tony finally got one of the cages together today, so we've moved them over into it. I did have them in a dog cage but there is no wire for the poopies to drop through. We are going to set up the big cage as a play area for them a change of scenery and exercise. I am so glad that we went with the Holland Lops. They really are a friendly, furry and hearty breed. I just love bunnies! I praise God for a happy ending!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Bunny Adventures-Part 1

Boy has it been a long week.

The girls decided a while back that they wanted bunnies but with getting the lovebirds and being as busy as we've been I was just taking my time and studying the breed we wanted.

Meadow really wanted a Netherland Dwarf or a Hotot. Have you ever seen a Hotot? They are a beautiful solid white dwarf breed with a black circle around their eyes that looks like eyeliner. They are known as *Fancy Eyes*.

Well I had searched and searched online and had finally found what I thought was a good breeder about 2 1/2 hours away. We went through her web site and seen what was available, I e-mailed the breeder and talked with her on the phone and decided to make the trip up there.

Were we so disappointed. Meadow went right in and found the bunny she'd seen online that said it was available. "Here she is mommy, here is the one I want!" The lady said, I don't believe she is available. Meadow said, "She was on the web site." The lady picked one rabbit out of two different litters and told Meadow she could choose from them. We took one look at them and knew why she was selling them. They were not near as pretty and were over twice the size.

Now, I do understand that breeders keep the show animals and why they do this but to advertise a show bunny and try to swap out pet animals-some with severe conditions is deception.

We left not buying a bunny.

Meadow cried her heart out.

On our way home I passed a sign that said, "Dwarf Rabbits". So we pulled in. They had two tiny (and I mean tiny) white Netherland Dwarf bunnies. Meadow fell in love with the girl and they were only $25 so after all we'd been through I caved and bought her.

Meadow named her Lulu.

We got home at 6:45 pm, she was a small fragile, very pretty bunny. I could tell her ears were way to long for a Netherland but that was okay. We wanted to love her and give her a home. At 9:00 pm she started shaking and died within minutes on my tummy. It was a very horrible, traumatic experience. Meadow cried her heart out again and slept with Tony and I.

Meadow wanted to give Lulu a funeral and bury her. I called the Pet Store but the man refused to allow that and give me credit for what I'd paid for her. I had to box her and take her back to the store.

Here she is:


There is more to our bunny adventures and I'll share them a little later, tonight I'm exhausted and I don't to write too long of a post on here. Stay tuned for Part-2.

Rest in Peace Lulu