Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Can We Say Self Centered?

Boy did I have a pity party! I can't believe how you can know what is right so well and yet be so consumed and overtaken by what is wrong. The flesh is a strong thing. I think after the little fit of hysteria I threw yesterday I felt better. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish I could feel better without throwing the fit. There has got to be a different way of release for me. I don't know. I don't have all the answers I just know that I reached my maximum yesterday, I exploded and then I felt better.

Last night when I laid down in the bed I felt the strongest urge to begin reading a book that I had shelved sometime ago. I had Sky bring it to me and almost immediately I knew why the Holy Spirit led me to it.

I'm not going to share all the book is about I'm just going to share the scriptures.

Please don't skip this. Read slowly and absorb it, hear what it is speaking.

In Isaiah
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, the calf and the young lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze; their young ones shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall play by the cobra's hole, and the weaned child shall put his hand in the viper's den. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all My holy mountain, for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

How I long for that day! As I read the scripture I pictured the peace, the glorious peace. What a wonderful day it will be when we are set free from the flesh and dwell with our Father forever!!!

I read on. I know this is what the Lord was trying to remind me of.

Romans 8:14
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba Father." The Spirit Himself bear witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified with together.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

The last part spoke volumes to me. IF INDEED I SUFFER WITH HIM, THAT I MAY ALSO BE GLORIFIED WITH HIM! TOGETHER! Lord I thank-You for this reminder. My suffering is NOTHING compared to His! NOTHING! Here I got so self consumed, feeling sorry for myself, forgetting the true purpose of my life.

Lord I just ask that You forgive me for losing direction. Forgive me for questioning You. Forgive me for not trusting the perfect plan that You have for me. Forgive me for being spoiled. Forgive me for being selfish and demanding my own way.

I know that many would say, it's ok Jeniliegh, it happens to all of us. But I'm here to say this kind of behavior is NOT ok. I am NOT a baby Christian I am mature and it's time I acted as such. There is no excuse for doing something that I know is wrong just because its easier. I'm thankful that my Father is always there to forgive me but that is NO excuse to continue down the same path. It's time to listen and obey. It's time to focus, it's time to pray, it's time to read God's word and be about HIS business and not my own.

What am I doing for Him? I mean really, am I witnessing? Who am I intercessing for? When is the last time I fasted? There are so many lost souls and I've wasted all this time thinking about me, praying for me, wanting my way. I've looked at life and everyone in it that the Lord has blessed and I've coveted. I've been jealous, I've allowed their happiness to make me miserable. Does this paint a picture of Christ? Far far from it. I've been a nasty spoiled rotten child.

No more.

No more.

No more.

I ask from the most sincere part of me that you continue to pray for my mother in law, my sister in law, Aiden and his mother in jail. I pray God's will be done in each one of their lives.

(P.S. Today is day 35, no sign of the red stain.)


Rebecca said...

You wrote, "If indeed I suffer with Him, that I may also be glorified with Him! Together! Lord I thank-You for this reminder. My suffering is NOTHING compared to His! NOTHING!" It resonated within me. Recently I heard the phrase in a sermon on the radio, "fellowship of His suffering." It caught ahold of me as I, too, realized Jesus suffered too. More. My suffering is, as you say, nothing. I found the verse, it's Philippians 3:10-11: “I want to know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings becoming like Him in His death that by any means I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” If I had not been through the events of the past few years, I don't think
I would have even given that phrase a second thought. And it is because of going through that suffering, that I have become more like Him. There is a depth that I have gained from those unfortunate circumstances. Powerful stuff.

Alicia said...

Wow, amazing post! Praise God that His Spirit led you to that book. I too loooonnnnggg for that day depicted in Isaiah when we will be free from the flesh and be free to truely worship God! I always shed a tear when I read it. Praise Jesus that He, by His sacrifice has made that a reality for us!

Praying for you......and yes I did catch that little bit of info about it being day 35 and no red stain....I'm hopeful!

Hear My Cry said...

Alicia-that scripture has the same effect on me. It's like a realization coming to life, the picture it paints, the feelings it brings. It comes to life rather than just being words on a paper, you know?

Thank-you for the hopeful comment, just the words. Hopeful. Hopeful, dare I be hopeful? We should always be hopeful but its so hard when it can bring so much pain but I'm hopeful in spite of it. Still hoping. :)