Saturday, January 17, 2009


Well the havoc wreaking in my body finally stopped. Day 35, 36 and 37 I was feeling so much better. I was just glad the hormones settled and the torture was settled, well somewhat. On day 36 a new torture started. A new mind game. The one where hope begins, I mean really sets in, and I began to wonder, am I pregnant? I went back through all of my calendars, checked every cycle, how I was feeling. I paid close attention to things that were different. The number one thing that I noticed with my body is that my fluid never got dry. Day 37 I began to giggle with excitement, the thoughts were rolling and I'm just going to be honest here. I felt pregnant. I was ecstatic. I felt like a little girl at Christmas time. After 7 years, after 5 and 1/2 years of serious hard trying to conceive, here it was. I checked my calendar for December, I had to laugh because this baby was conceived either the day before or the day after Christmas and would be due somewhere around my birthday.

I got myself ready and Tony and I went to a revival. I hadn't been out of the house but twice in two weeks and those were by sheer force. I was ready to go and be fed.

What an awesome time we had! The Evangelist spoke from the scripture Zephaniah 3:14-17. My favorite verse was 3:17 The Lord your God is in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Can you imagine the Lord rejoicing over you with singing? What a beautiful picture. We worshiped and we praised the Lord. Hallelujah!

The next morning when I awoke there was the red stain.

And I rejoiced. Not exactly the news we were hoping for was it? The thoughts and despair tried so hard to overcome me but I just pictured the Lord singing over me and I praised Him that He was in control and He wasn't surprised or caught off guard, He could choose to open my womb or close it whatever He willed and I would rejoice in it!

I am a Daughter of the King! Sometimes I forget how incredibly special that is. I am here to lay down my life and pick up my cross and serve Him, share Him, praise Him and do as He wills for me. I would rather be in the wilderness with the Lord than to walk into a promised land without Him. Lord as long as I am with YOU I will go wherever You lead me. I never want to step away from you. I want my desires to be Your desires. I want your desires to be my desires. I want NOTHING without You!

So, I had a 37 day cycle this month. The first one ever that I know of. I am praying for the Lord to heal my body and I am commanding it to function perfectly as God created it to. And I'm trusting that the Lord knows exactly what He is doing, He knows exactly what my future holds and whatever He has in store for me, I will rejoice in.


Jesus, My Best Friend said...

those cycles drive u nuts especially when u have never had them before. i went through that in sept. 07. wow. i really thought i was pregnant. i had never had that long of a cycle until then. Praying for u! and you are right... we are still blessed and God is still good!

Stacey said...

This post really spoke to my heart and is a reminder that I all too often need - to give God praise no matter what happens from day to day. What I need to do is seek Him and live in His will, and let Him take care of the rest.

Thanks & praying for you!

Rebecca said...

That's the verse we picked for Madeline's life verse, since so many 'things' have tried to take her from us. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that picture of God rejoicing over us with singing too.

I'm amazed at how your heart is changing and how much God is giving you. I, too, would rather be in a hard place where I can feel/hear Him than in a place without trials where He seems absent. Although, I have to admit, I was praying and holding out hope for you. I can't tell you how many months I finally let my mind "go there" only to start that very day or the next. I'm just so glad God is faithful to be there with you and give you an encouraging word just before your hardest day.

Thinking of you today!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Beautiful is an amazing thought, the Lord rejoicing over us with singing.
Praying for you on this journey...