Thursday, January 14, 2010


My life is so like Alanis Morissette's song Ironic. 

I really wanted to go back to school this semester. Really bad. 

I was approved for a full Pell grant and it wouldn't have costed me a dime. 

I needed to take the college entrance test and they only had two dates set up before classes began. 

I was going to take the first one but got the puking virus and couldn't go.

I WENT to take the second one and the class filled up, it was a first come first serve test that started at 9:00 am Saturday morning. 


I got there at 5 til, they turned away maybe 5 people in front of my and at least that after me. 

I was told that if I had financial aid to insist they have another testing Monday. 

It was almost 6:00pm  Monday evening before they returned my call.

When they finally did, I was told there was a problem with my financial aid, and that by the time they could work it out, and get me tested I'd be a full week behind in classes.

Being a first time student there I was advised to wait until the next semester. 


I hate feeling like my fate is stacked against me. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter what I do, I'll never succeed or get ahead. I live a life of Murphy's Law and it sickens me. My bread will always fall mayo side down. Always. I'll break my favorite cup or one of my kids will. I'll get a puking virus during first test times and be outnumbered during seconds. :) 

I know, I know, it's all in how you look at it. Is the cup half empty or half full. 

Lately though, its been bad. Anything that can go wrong has gone wrong. 

Maybe I am a little depressed? Is it the freezing cold, the winter blues, or that I feel cursed??? 

I don't know. 

I know that God is in control, even when I don't like the direction my life is taking. Maybe He sees something in my future that I can't and it's His blessing that I'm not in school this semester. It's just especially disheartening because it's taken me a few years to get up the courage to go back. I could have gone in the fall but chickened out. I finally get up the guts to GO and the door is closed. 

Am I really looking forward to spring? 

Heaven is still so sick. She is throwing up the Phenergan.  Keep her in your prayers. 

I'm okay, I just needed to vent. I love that I can come here and be honest, even when it isn't pretty. 

:) I'll get things straight for next semester. I'm looking up,  I promise! 


Stacey said...

I'm so glad you're able to vent here! That sounds incredibly frustrating indeed. Glad you are moving forward and keeping your head up! I sure hope all works out with school.

Sending prayers for Heaven as well.

Jenileigh said...

Aw, thanks Stacey!