I'm good

and I'm glad. I was so not good on days 28, 29 and 30 but today I have felt refreshed and energized. I've thought a lot about how wanting another child has been such a huge focus for me and how I don't like who I become each month. I've spent a lot of time looking at the three daughters that I do have and thanking and praising God for them. I've spent a lot of time wondering if I really want another child that badly IF it isn't God's will. Up until this point inside I believe I've wanted a child no matter what God's will for me is and that can be dangerous. So I'm praying for the Lord to help align me in His will and asking Him to strengthen me and lead me in this.

Ok, yesterday I went and took the class to learn how to give myself the injectables. Easy enough. My nurse Paula (did I say I LOVE her?) encouraged me to try a cycle of Femara this month, starting last night since it was day 3 for me. I go back in on the 24th for the sonogram to see if there are any follicles. Then of course I'll proceed with the Ovidrel. I'm going to ask about taking the progesterone like they give you when you take injectables and will probably do one IUI this month if all else lines up as it is suppose to.

If that doesn't work then we are praying about the injectables. I will use Bravelle if we go forth with it. I've been doing a lot of reading and that can be scary. I wouldn't mind twins at all, but triplets or more concerns me. Of course I would want them but can I truly care for them?

And then there is always the chance that injectable won't work at all. That would be devasting. Because at the end of that cycle I would have to wait a long while before being able to afford another cycle. We'll spend a lot to time paying off this bill.

So for now that is where I stand.

Can I say that it feels good to feel good? I wish I could feel this good throughout my entire cycle each month.

Thank-you all for the kind comments. They really blessed my heart. I'd gotten really lonely here the last week or so when my emotions were up in the air, I didn't realize how much I'd come to depend on your support in such a short time. Thank-you. A few words go a long way. :)