Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bear with Me

In one way I feel terrible to keep complaining but that is after all why I created this blog. I had to have somewhere that I could go and say how I feel.

Everything was fine until the phone rang and my husband called. He mentioned that we might have a class tonight at church and I voiced that I didn't want to go. He asked why. I replied that I just didn't feel good. He said, "You didn't want to take this class from the beginning."

What? Why did you say that?

"Nevermind baby," he said, "I don't want to argue with you today."

But why did you say that? I said I didn't feel like going.

This inevitably led to a horrible argument. No he didn't want to fight but he does not understand how I feel. He thinks that I am suppose to get ready and go in spite of how I feel, and trust me, I DO THIS ON MANY DAYS. But today isn't one of them. I'm shaky. The tears aren't stopping. I just needed to rest today. That is all. I needed a day off, with NO pressure and NO guilt.

I feel like he's tired of me. Like he has no sympathy or understanding. Sometimes I just need him to understand me. I don't choose this. I can't just say feel better and viola, I'm better. It doesn't work that way.

Have I pushed him away? Do I disgust him? Where is our love? Does he blame me?

Today I just needed some time.

1 comment:

beth ewing said...

oh girl can i relate to this. i think guys just deal differently and he probably doesn't understand what you feel. sit down with him and tell him how you feel and how you deal with it and encourage him to do the same. i was surprised to find out what my husband worried about in our infertility struggle. sometimes they don't get to say b/c as women we need them to just be there for us. hang in there.