Yesterday it came again....

The red stain. I was so angry. I'm not happy about the anger I feel and I want the Lord to help me work my way through it. My emotions have been wreaking havoc on me lately and I long to have peace.

I called my Dr. and they had me come in for a blood test. I get the results next Friday. This will show if my eggs are healthy. I'm praying for a score of 2-4. This will mean I'll respond well to medicines. Too low and I won't. Too high and I'll have to have more tests. So if you are reading this could you send up a prayer that my score will be just right?

I felt so much better once I started. It was like my hormones all settled down again and my migraine went away and I began to hope again. I love hope. Hope keeps me from going down into the pits of despair where I begin to listen to thoughts that I will never conceive again. Hope says maybe next month, its coming, be patient and trust in the Lord.

I love this scripture:

Romans 4:18
Who against hope believed in hope

Listen to this.
Who against hope--when no ground for hope appeared.
believed in hope--that is, cherished the believing expectation.


Please understand this. Even as I pour out and share my total honest and sometimes brutal feelings and anger. I will never turn on my Lord. I love Him and no matter what He decides for my womb I will continue to love Him and serve Him and share Him. I will accept all things from Him, whether they be good or bad. I trust Him. I know He has a plan for me and I know He hears my cries. He knows my pain. He is my Father and He knows all things. I feel like He is purging me of many things during this time. I may rebel, I may not like it and it may take me time to accept it. BUT He is my all in all. Without Christ I have nothing.